Somebody to Love

The other day I was at the grocery store looking fine, for once.  I had just bought my new cowboy boots and needed to break them in and unfortunately they don't go with sweats...or at least not in my world they don't.  I was looking for some coconut milk and I had just asked the clerk if they had any in the back.  I told the clerk I'm looking for two cans as opposed to a parrot (toucans-parrots, get it?) and I started laughing!  At this point this really great looking guy walks down the aisle and smiles a big smile at me.  Now, I do not have game.  I smiled back and in my mind as awkwardly as a twelve year old schoolgirl, with braces, trip over my feet, snort, and proceeded to completely embarrass myself in front of the hot guy!  Why?!

I'm tired of being alone.  I want to go out and have a social life again.  I want a man to tell me I'm beautiful, but lately the only thing men say to me is, "Okay, see you in three months."  We are all born with a need to be loved and touched and I struggle with mine.  I struggle with the fact that nobody will want a woman that is sick.  Maybe I make too many excuses.  I have a lot to give I know but when you want something so bad for so long and then a huge obstacle comes in the way it makes you think it's a deal breaker.   But is this too much of a burden for a spouse?  Is this someone's uniball? A third nipple?  Halitosis?  I know I would NEVER date someone who has a third nipple!  (Jk  I'm a card carrying member of Don't Hate the Third Nipplers).

I know Mary Tyler Moore set the bar for the working woman and I do consider myself a feminist but I also long to be a wife and a mother.  I have traveled the world, I have my degree and this is what my heart desires, wholly and completely.  But alas, this is not in my timing for now...timing.  It always comes down to timing for me.  My symbol should be a clock.  Hmmmm....maybe Flava Flav had it right somehow?  I'm always trying to dictate what should be the right timing of my life, but don't we all?  I guess for now I'll keep my eyes open for eligible bachelors and if they do smile at me I'm  hoping I don't have another meltdown.