Frustration

I have never claimed to be a genius or a great conversationalist but I know that I can hold my own.  I often joke a lot that I can talk to a wall, "Hi, how are you? Come here often?  I like the way the light reflects off your paint..."  I can pretty much talk to anyone about anything.  My problem lately is dating.  I have been beyond frustrated with the fact that I can't concentrate during my conversations to remember details about their lives AND my life!  I was so embarrassed when Adam asked me what I was looking for in a man and I just drew a blank.  I get asked this repeatedly on eHarmony and yet I still drew a blank and needed coaxing.  When again, Adam, name changed, and I went on a date we were talking about his personal life.  I asked him to tell me about his youth and I had trouble following...ugh....why must my brain argue with me?  I kept trying as hard as hell but it was as if the information was water flowing through a sieve.  Oh, I failed to mention that Adam is an attorney.  This added to my pressure to be on point and sharp.  Did Adam notice me struggling to comprehend and follow the conversation?  Did he actually see the smoke coming out of my ears?  It has been several days since our date.  We have had a few texts between us but I still don't know where we stand. And I in my paranoia feel that he noticed me struggling and doesn't want to date a dumb woman who can't carry a conversation or remember what she wants in a man.  After our date I really was tempted to go up to him and ask him how it went.  Why shouldn't we?  I think that should be the new thing for some of us...the post date interview.  Go up to your date for a follow up if you will.  Then there's no waiting for a call and we find out right away if there will be a second date or not!  Hey, I think I just solved the second worst problem to world peace!  Wouldn't that be nice though?  Imagine all the frustration that we all go through as a result of not knowing what our date is thinking but by comparing notes ... Poof *** we know right away!

I have tried to think about how I could handle this problem of mine.  I'm praying about it...praying that I can concentrate and pay attention to the conversation and words being told to me.  I also decided that I can't use any pain medication for now, like marijuana, or even pain patches.  This seemed to help me with our conversation this past Sunday night.  I wasn't feeling well so instead of a date we just talked on the phone.  I felt good, well the conversation went well because we spoke for a whopping three hours!   It doesn't hurt that he is a good conversationalist as well.  We haven't had a second date but I hope with my new tools I will be prepared for some great conversation!