Well, it happened I met someone that said the fibromyalgia was a deal breaker and so there goes my heart. I met Alex (name changed) on ldssingles.com and we seemed to hit it off just perfectly. I love a smart man and intelligent, Alex is. He made me laugh when I needed to and even laughed at my corny jokes, a bonus! As I said in my last post, I also joined eHarmony so I have been receiving emails from other men but Alex's were the ones I looked forward to the most. My heart would jump every time I saw his letters and I waited to hear that ping one hears when there is a new email! Things were moving along quite nicely until I felt because Alex had shared some intimate details regarding his life that I should tell him my 'secret'. I was absolutely shocked when Alex told me he had just come out of a marriage where his wife also suffered from fibromyalgia and he didn't think he could go through that again. I was devastated. When he described to me his previous situation I realized how hard it must be for a spouse and for family members. Is it fair for me to ask for someone to take on a burden of loving someone with an illness?
I have another man problem I hope that you can help me with. On the other hand I have Ben (name changed). I met Ben years ago also on a dating site and we've been in contact off and on through the years. Well, a few weeks ago he found me on Facebook and we've been in contact ever since. Ben is a firefighter but his passion is coaching football. In addition, he is a father. He is always busy. That's not my problem. I love that he is driven, knows his passion, and is a good father. My problem is that he isn't much of a conversationalist. Or maybe he is it's just that he is always so busy that we always end up texting...ugh! There is only so much one can say in a text. A conversation can only go so far. Also, he's never asked me what I do during the day, where I'm working NOW. Years ago I worked at the airline but we all know I don't work there anymore. Why do I still talk to him? I'm guilty of being really attracted to Ben, I have been for years, we have never met and the flame is still there. I know what you are wondering...when are you going to tell him about the FM? I don't know. Ben is talking about meeting. That thrills me and scares me at the same time. In a way I have fantasies of meeting him, he falls in love with me because I am so fabulous then I tell him of the illness and he says to me that's ok, baby, I'm here. Of course he's wearing his firefighter uniform and his muscles are rippling at this point. Hey, it's my fantasy!
They say that the law of attraction will bring what you send out. Did I send out to the world that I wouldn't be accepted because I am sick? Am I self sabotaging?
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