Bewitched

Does anyone remember on Bewitched how Samantha, the witch, was able to twitch her nose and stop time then she could experience life while everyone else was frozen?   When I was a little girl I thought that was so cool and I wished I had that power.  Well, for someone who has been living it, it ain't so cool.  When you watch your friends and family move on and you are frozen it time and forgotten it is very difficult.


I have to work extremely hard not to get depressed and keep the lines of communication open with others.  I have lost a lot of my friends due to my illness.  Who wants to always go pick you up?  Sometimes  I think they will catch whatever I have.  I don't know.  I am on Facebook but I don't divulge what is going on or to what extent the pain is.  That's just not me.  Starting this blog was a big step on it's own and I have given the info to select friends and family.   So when I get on Facebook the rare pictures of me smiling that I post aren't an accurate description of the life I lead.  But I can't bring myself to announce to the world, "Hey, I'm sick".  However, it can be frustrating to look online and see friends and acquaintances continuing to live life working, dating, going out,  having kids, grand kids, especially traveling...ugh!  I know what you are thinking, she sounds bitter, not at all, I am so happy for my friends.  I really am but I miss doing things with them and we used to work together at the airline and I used to be able to fly everywhere and, wow, do I miss it!  So that's what I mean, no sour grapes here, I just miss ... life.


Fibromyalgia has always been in the picture even when I was working.  I would work all day and come home then collapse from exhaustion.  I would go to the occasional happy hour to socialize and get out but it was by no means a regular thing.  I often felt embarrassed when people would ask what my plans were for the weekend so I would make up some elaborate story then they would laugh not knowing I wasn't doing anything, just going to sleep because of the pain.  Ha, Catherine, you party animal!


Looking back, I've been either lying or acting my way through life for a long time.  For those of you with FM or chronic illness do you divulge to everyone even coworkers your illness?  Why does it bother me so much to be honest?  I'm obviously not a highly private person if I'm putting it out there in a blog but I can't put it out there on Facebook or would've ever told coworkers.  Do you let your friends and family on Facebook know?  What about coworkers?  Have you also been forgotten amongst family and friends?  Do you have to work to keep lines of communication open?   What suggestions do you have for me?  Your comments would be greatly appreciated.